The sweetest thing

 

Vegemite is full of loving praise for my mothering skills, mainly, I suspect, because she has learned that throwing her arms around me, giving me a kiss and declaring “you are the best mummy in the whole world” or “I love you with all my heart, mummy” definitely gets her more of whatever it is she’s after. Who could resist that?

 

Lil Z is less complimentary and it’s not often that I get truly positive feedback from her. Her feedback is so subtle and our lives are so filled with busy-ness and chaos that I think it is often lost in the shuffle. Which is why I really appreciate it when it does occur.

 

Today was a bad day. Unsure if it is the lingering virus /chest infection, a side-effect of her new anti-seizure med Keppra or the result of vomiting and waking herself up at 3am, but she was fractious and irritable all day. She was never happy for more than a few minutes anywhere before she’d start to fuss and frantically scratch her ears. She also refused nearly all her feeds today, cranking up my stress levels still further. I’ve never been so happy to be rid of her as when I put her down for an early bedtime tonight.

 

I was also reminded several times today about her sensory issues. She hates for anyone to touch her hands or arms. She let the speechie “brush” her legs today, but jerked her hands away whenever they accidentally touched the brush. She also wrings her hands constantly, and when she is upset will bite her thumb and forefinger or run her thumb compulsively back and forth across her bottom teeth.

 

If she’s had a bad day, her fingers will be red and swollen with gouges where she has dug in her fingernails. Trying to stop her from doing this, however, makes her very upset. We are considering splinting her arms, to try to break the habit, but the OT is unsure if this will help or simply make her more distressed.

 

Lil Z has few purposeful hand movements and she rarely tries to touch anything. When I read her books with different textures, I help her feel them, but she often jerks her hand away as if it feels wrong.

 

However, tonight, after her “dream feed” she relaxed and seemingly intentionally, rested both her hands on top of mine. She sat there for several minutes, placing her hands on top of my hands, and then petting my hands quite gently. I do not feel wrong to her. And that really is the sweetest thing.